Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
