What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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