rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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