census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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