There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
