I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize