my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
