Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
