If i come over, it means nothing
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
