the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
