The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just forgot I was standing up.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
