look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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