im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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