I wish my penis had an off switch
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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