that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
