I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
