I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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