first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
