i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
