I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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