There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
