Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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