And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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