cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
