I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
