If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
