Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
