I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize