take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
