Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
