I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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