Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Congratulations! We have a period
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
