i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
