i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize