I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
