oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
