I'm jealous of your bromance
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
