please come you make the beer taste better
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
