How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
