and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
