I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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