just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
