My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
