so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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