there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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