You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
