Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He better not be in your backpack
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
