does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
