ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
