**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
