Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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