My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
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