Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
