i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
