Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
