Your face is a jimmy john
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
