My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize