No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
