I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
