Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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