Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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