He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
