the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
