i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
