I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm having to shit out rocks
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
