ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
