Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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