just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
