He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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