now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize