I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
