Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
