What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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