I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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