It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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