So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
