Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
